Rare Beneath

Near the front of the church I sat and waited.  My best friend was sitting some distance across from me, facing the altar.  I was facing her and her future (as in within the next 24 hours) husband.

It was odd.  I never thought such a day could ever come.  I still can’t get a handle on what’s going on.  Everything is unreal.  That can’t be my best friend going through rehearsal for her wedding day tomorrow.  I simply can’t imagine it.  Even when the very fact is in front of my face, I still can’t figure it out.

She has always been the ‘younger’ between us, though she was almost two years older and always had more experiences in romance and rollercoasters.  I was the fixer, she was the impulsive.  She was spontaneous, bright, and unstoppable.  I was cautious, safe, and rather dull.  She was also prettier, with more self-confidence, and blessed with a dauntless spirit few can match.  I, on the other hand, was blessed with intelligence I couldn’t use on guys in our town, was outwardly quieter and rather less stunning than my best friend.

But for all our differences, we have always had one thing in common.  We needed each other.  She recognized in me some ephemeral thing she wanted to have, and I saw in her the freedom I’ve always desired.  Though now I can say that I am freer than I was and in no great need of the shining beacon she used to symbolize… well, habits die hard.  There is also the possibility that we each saw some strength in each other.  Our relationship would have crumbled if we hadn’t respected one another.

So here I am… a maid of honor.  I can’t say much for honor, but I can give maybe a 90% assurance on being a maid.  Being exposed to a lot of people wearing a godforsaken gown that makes me look like the flabbiest overbloated balloon used to qualify as THE WORST situation an insecure me could have ever imagined.  But now, it’s just one more cross to bear for my best friend. I could look like Mrs. Claus in a gold and green gown, as long as my best friend would look like a brunette Scarlett Johansson in her ivory white.

But still… She can’t be getting married!  She doesn’t have the maturity nor the foresight to even realize what she’s jumping into!  She’s simply too… unprepared.  I’m already thinking that she just allowed everyone to shove her into this position because, one: she thinks she really loves the guy (like all the other times she’s fallen in love), and two: because her parents and his were simply too hard to disappoint.

I’m sorry, buddy bridegroom, but I don’t think you’re ready either.  But who am I to maul you over with my negative and most probably extremely biased opinions?  I’m just gonna smile here and let you think everything is bright and sunny.  You guys chose to jump into the cesspit of marital disaster and you aren’t ever getting out.  So if you ever have any problems with my best friend, don’t ever let me hear of them because I’m going to come after you with a scythe, slash your guts and cut out your entrails to stink in the sun. 

I may have appeared to be less boisterous and a little bit more grounded than my best friend, but I can give you every assurance to the contrary.  I am a tigress with a wounded cub.  My insanity is beyond your realm of knowledge.  It is even beyond mine.  I am also vicious and brutal, my rage simmers just beneath the surface.  You are taking what has always been someone I consider precious enough to love, so when you make a mistake, I’ll be on you before you ever see me coming.

I give you fair warning, I am distrustful of everything that seems good and true when a man comes with the package.  There is NO SUCH THING ON THIS EARTH.  What I see now between the two of you is something I fail to understand.  But I will give you the chance to make her happy, and you better do so for her entire life.  Only then will I be satisfied that your headlong plunge into catastrophe is guided by the All-Seeing-Hand, whom I don’t understand either.

So anyway, before I got distracted by my litany, I was just going to say… May all the goodness follow you both in marriage.  I can only hope for a bright future for you….